Dear Buffy,

Buuufffy! I feel like we haven't really seen each other in days! And since I usually spend like hours a day with you I'm missing you a lot! I've been hanging out with a lot of cool people who are hysterically intimidatingly quirky and awesome. Please don't be jealous. Portland is like a playground for me. It's full of vegan hipsters and musician monsters. But we both knew I wouldn't really belong in Sunnydale, right? I could never be a slayer; I can't even snap at someone properly without writing them an I'm sorry letter. Our love is like yours and Angel's but less with the sexy times: it could never be!

Haha, just kidding, B, I still love you best!!!! Agh, it was a goof!

love, Barbara