Dear Buffy,

Hey girl, um, um... oh my god am I the Angel of my own life? Do I just exist in each episode to be emo and create tension for the protagonist (who is also me)? I'm always standing outside my own room in the shadows looking forlorn and worried and like a sad puppy. I'm vibing really loudly, "Someone love me!" but I'm vibing that at myself. And then I'm like, "Hey dork, if you want me to love you (myself) then be loveable!"

Last night I watched the episode where you try to make Thanksgiving and get haunted. Spike's really funny in it. And white guilt is always good fun.

I'm trying to get my life in order. I just got a new awesome job. I sorta did some laundry. I cleaned my room and went to the doctor... I still feel lonely and lost. I want to feel like I'm loved and a part of something. I'm working so hard to get my life together, but I still feel like I'm floundering somewhat. I just no matter what still feel like... "I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m- or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done."

Miss you, B. 

love, Babs