I’m having a kinda great day, kinda terrible, you know, the vast complexities of the human condition. On the one hand, it’s been 22 days since I’ve purged, which is the longest I’ve gone since I was about 11. I feel really strong and healthy for breaking that record. And now every day is a new personal best! On the other hand, I’m still lonely, even more introverted, (if that’s possible. Damn, girl, if I get any more introverted than this I’m just gonna be inside out: cc: Warren.) And I’m still insecure if my friends like me.
I’m wearing Buffy shoes (high heeled black pleather boots) today but I lack Buffy posture, Buffy dance moves, Buffy sassiness, Buffy-ability-to-believe-in-myself-and-others. I guess I do believe in others, I just have problems believing that anyone could love me, that I could deserve kindness, that I’m selfless, loving, strong, or genuinely compassionate enough to deserve anything from my amazing friends.
Miss you, B, I miss all the scoobies…