Saturday, December 17, 2016

Dear Bufy

Hey B,

I'm having a really hard time hanging on right now. I feel like Spike in season 7, when he was trying really hard to be a good person, but because of the chip and the trigger, everyone still thought he was a monster. An ex of mine thinks I'm this horrible person, and is spreading rumors about me that I'm hateful, and really I'm trying to be good. I'm constantly trying to help others and to spread love and kindness. I try to volunteer for causes I care about, I make time to be there for my friends and family who need me, I work at a place that hopefully is helping and inspiring young people, and any free time I have I fill with trying to make art that has a positive message, that makes people laugh, and in turn makes the world a better place. I'm really really really fucking trying.

I feel like you in season six, "is this ...hell?"

Anyway, filled with love for people like you who bring love, confidence, and strength to others.
filled with love, burning brighter than the fire,

Friday, August 26, 2016

Dear Buffy

Hey B,

I didn't realize it was "Women's Equality Day" today! I watched the series finale today, which is perfect for Women's Equality, considering that in the end you empowered every girl/ woman in the world with the potential to be a slayer. Thank you so much for never competing with other women, and always being the kind of person to bring other women up and help them find their own strength. I love that your power stems from the kind of love that makes you believe there's enough power for all women to be "chosen" and none of us have to be "alone." I've learned a lot from you about how to be funny, how to flirt, how to joke when I'm feeling scared, how to be brave for others even when I'm terrified for myself, and how to be compassionate and strong. But mostly, I've learned from you how to love, and I believe that's where the bulk of my feminist beliefs come from. "It's not so much the hating men as it is the loving of women." -Willow.

Happy Women's Equality Day, Buffy! You save the world a lot!


Saturday, August 20, 2016

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

I'm at work right now... I'm working at a frozen yogurt shop, which is... just a step above the Doublemeat Palace! Sigh.

A few days ago a friend texted me "It's not easy, Babs, but I love you a lot." I think they meant it in a nice way. But it's not the first time someone has told me that I'm difficult to love. It reminded me so much of when Halfrek came to visit Anya and Anya said about Xander, "He's very kind and brave. He has the sweetest smile and the nicest body. And he loves me. Sometimes that isn't easy, but he does."

Halfrek replied, "Who told you it wasn't easy to love you?"


I guess I've been thinking about love a little bit the last few days. I love people pretty freely and easily, but I definitely feel that other people for whatever reason have a hard time loving me back. Maybe they don't trust me or maybe I'm so shy and quiet that they just simply don't enjoy being around me because I'm not fun and gregarious. (My "mousey ways" as Willow would say.) As you know I usually identify with you or Willow, but in that moment I just started crying when I thought about how othered and lonely Anya must feel.

I love you, Buffy. It burns brighter than the fire.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Dear Buffy,

Hey B,

How are you?! That's a silly question, you just lost a friend and the apocalypse is about to start! (That's where I am in the comics, but really that could apply to like 70% of your life.)

I'm doing really well. I get kinda lonely, but I've been really reaching out to my scoobies and I feel very loved and surrounded by friends a lot. That's something I've learned from you. I'm at the part of the tv show right now where Willow is really trying to battle her magic addiction... Thanks for always being such a good friend and so loving and caring for her, even though you couldn't really understand how or why she was struggling that way. That's how I feel like my friends are there for me with my depression, anxiety, and food issues. My friends are all amazing. I think they all have a lot of super powers. "I just realized you have super powers. That is so cool." -Glory.

I just watched the episode with you and Spike... Ohmygodohmygodohmygod so hot. I really relate to that kind of attraction to someone, even though you know he's not good for you. I recently ended a relationship with a very nice man because I couldn't handle that it wasn't monogamous and he was only dating me until his girlfriend got back in town. (Not trying to talk shit about anyone who is poly, just saying it isn't for me.) So, even though I knew it wasn't healthy for me, I still found him super stupidly hot, just like how you liked Spike. I just want to accidentally destroy an old house with my love making.

Anyway. I've missed you, B.

love, Barbara