Saturday, August 20, 2016

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

I'm at work right now... I'm working at a frozen yogurt shop, which is... just a step above the Doublemeat Palace! Sigh.

A few days ago a friend texted me "It's not easy, Babs, but I love you a lot." I think they meant it in a nice way. But it's not the first time someone has told me that I'm difficult to love. It reminded me so much of when Halfrek came to visit Anya and Anya said about Xander, "He's very kind and brave. He has the sweetest smile and the nicest body. And he loves me. Sometimes that isn't easy, but he does."

Halfrek replied, "Who told you it wasn't easy to love you?"


I guess I've been thinking about love a little bit the last few days. I love people pretty freely and easily, but I definitely feel that other people for whatever reason have a hard time loving me back. Maybe they don't trust me or maybe I'm so shy and quiet that they just simply don't enjoy being around me because I'm not fun and gregarious. (My "mousey ways" as Willow would say.) As you know I usually identify with you or Willow, but in that moment I just started crying when I thought about how othered and lonely Anya must feel.

I love you, Buffy. It burns brighter than the fire.

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