Dear Buffy

Dear B,

Wow, this last issue of Buffy was... beautifully cathartic and heartwrenching. I, like you, am a survivor of assault and abuse. Additionally, I, like you, was (still is sometimes) dealing with a lot of depression during that period of my life and subsequently I put myself in a lot of positions I wouldn't normally have if I were dealing with my emotions. Therefore I blamed myself for a lot of the horrible things that have happened. Also, I personally knew men who committed violence to women, and the entire time they were doing it, they rationalized their behavior, and didn't see what they were doing as assault. I have known so many women who have experienced assault, rape, manipulation, coercion... I know that the statistic is that it's 1/4 women have experienced that, but it seems like SO many more than 1/4. Not to mention, I know that the statistic is much higher than 1/4 for women of color. It's really hard to trust men, given the statistics, and given my history (and your history) of trusting men and having them turn out to be monsters.

Like you did, I get triggered a lot when men touch me, and I feel hurt, scared, and angry when tiny unrelated things remind me of something that happened. It can be anything from seeing someone that looks like someone, or from hearing an innocuous sentence, being touched in a similar way, a song, a certain situation, hearing the name of the person... I experience an icy shudder of dejavu and it makes me feel like throwing up, screaming, punching and sobbing all at once. I'm angry at the men that used to be my friends who have done horrible things. I'm also angry and terrified at myself for trusting them, for putting myself and people I love in the pathway of so much hurt.

I love the way Jean put it. Helping women does make me feel a lot better. Helping anyone makes me feel better. Talking, living, loving makes you strong... "But most of all yourself, that makes you strong." It never goes away. There's no easy way to heal these dark wounds. The pain and the triggers will always be there, but the strength that we all have in ourselves is what makes it manageable. The love we have for others and ourselves is where we draw our power, our gift.

Love, Babs.

Dear Buffy,

Hey B,

Just watched the episode "All the Way" based on Halloween in Season 6. I love how awkward you are with Spike when you guys run into each other in the Magic Shop basement. I haven't been with anyone romantically in a long time... and I haven't really wanted to. I've been kinda closed off girl lately. I think if there was anyone in my life right now similar to Spike pre-soulifying, I would fall for them, just because they were wrong for me. Similarly, Dawn doesn't exactly make smart decisions in this episode either. Awwwe, I miss the time of being young and kissing random boys I didn't know at all- oh wait that literally has NEVER happened to me in my life. Shudder. 

Anyway, Giles rocks!

love B

Dear Buffy

Hiya B...  You doing okay, buddy? A few nights ago I watched the second Halloween episode, "Fear Itself" from season four. I of course love that episode and I love you...but it's weird watching two Halloween episodes back to back. You're so insecure in both "Halloween" and "Fear Itself" and both time about a guy! I mean, I totally can relate to having felt that before, but you just seemed so sad and listless in Fear Itself. I'm sorry Parker is a dummy. And I know me telling you you're a total catch isn't gonna make it any easier for you to be bravery confident-girl, but I just wish all my friends could see themselves as the smart, beautiful, brilliant, amazingly cool women that they are.

Don't be afraid that you're gonna be alone.

This episode definitely made me miss Oz.

Love you, B,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

Sorry I haven't written a lot lately. I've kinda been shutting myself off from people, like you did in season 6 and 7... (and well, in all of them.)

I just watched the episode Halloween last night, where you all turn into your costumes. It always puts me in a weird head space because I look up to you SO much (even though you're 16 in this episode..) and I think of you as such a strong person, and to see you so insecure about your looks kinda throws me. But on the other hand it's very real and relateable. I get very insecure about my weight, and it's not even to impress a 200 year old vampire. (I'm alone, haha) I think I get insecure about my weight because of something deeper, not so much aesthetic. Like I'm insecure about how much I exist, and how much I annoy everyone. Similarly, I think you being insecure about your hair and makeup and clothes... maybe you're not insecure that you don't have time to put effort into your looks, maybe you're insecure that you don't have time to take care of yourself as much as you want to.

I should be psychoanalyzing you, I cried while reading a book last night.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll take your "Halloween is come as you aren't" advice, because I wanna wear something kinda cute and funny, and hopefully that's not too far off base from who I am.

Man, foreboding Giles drama...

See you soon,
Love you, B,
Babs

Buffy Fashion

The fashion in Buffy serves as a plot prop rather than a simple "make these already gorgeous women look gorgeouser" tactic.

So you're probably asking: How do I get the chosen look? I want to slay it!

Buffy's fashion mirrors her many different identities she has to assume: slayer, kid, student, girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend...

To get the Buffy look it's super important to have at least a couple black and white tank tops and shirts of varying sleeve length. She wants to look hot and be comfy for fighting, without the stress of extra attention. You'll also need boots, all the better for elongating your leg and kicking down doors, and leather jackets. 

 Buffy sometimes dresses older than she is, because she had to grow up so fast. (Helloooo, self sacrafice at age 16? Too crazy.) "I have mom hair, don't I?" Plus she dates like 200 year olds.

 

The second photo is me!

 The most important part of the Buffy look is pairing cute girliness with badass toughness. Buffy wants to be a kid, but was chosen to fight the forces of darkness. Before she was "called," she was a very girly little girl: prom queen, makeup, cheerleading, etc. Great ways to do this are by pairing cute dresses with funky boots and leather or jean jackets. It makes you look pretty, but at the same time tough enough to intimidate bad guys.

 

Always have a couple bold hot items in your wardrobe, for when you're feeling bold and hot, which you should!

Perfect for going to a party, or getting into a heated battle with an evil mayor/ snake demon.

Perfect mix of feminine and hard:

 This is the Buffy bot so Buffy didn't technically pick out this outfit, Spike did. He's got pretty good taste, except in women (Buffy excluded) and in beverage choice (whiskey or blood? gross!)

Pair loose grungy items with cute form fitting ones.

 

Now you look fab for meeting new friends or accidentally falling asleep in your vampire boyfriend's lair and then getting into a fight to the death with your arch nemesis. 

Buy Leopard print! Perfect for going out to dance with your buds or sneaking into a morgue and slaying annointed vamires!

 

Most importantly when trying to embody the slayer, (not LITERALLY, Faith!) Always remember: what would Buffy wear? WHATEVER THE HECK SHE WANTS!!!!!!!! 

 

Fan film/ reboot of Buffy

Scene:

We see a high school, filled with kids of varying ethnicities, qualities, diversity. The camera pans track field with runners, cheerleaders, band room, art room, mathletes, stoners. We see Buffy Summers, 16, sitting on the school steps laughing hard at something with a bunch of other 16 year old kids. Buffy is very tiny, she has a perky blonde pony-tail, is dressed in a very ‘i-don’t-give-a-fuck’ boldness, band t-shirt cropped off at belly button, leopard print shorts, chuck taylors. She has a bright and cheerful aura.

Buffy:

Voice over:

It all started when I was just any other normal teenage girl. Wait, hold up, what the heck is a “NORMAL” teenage girl? Nail polish and magazines about what Channing Tatum looks like with his shirt off? No way. There’s no kid who feels quote-en-quote normal in the vast and treacherous world of teenage-dom. You’ve got the jocks, the goth kids, the brainy people, the kids with parents who want them to like be a doctor or something, the arty kids, the kids with no real identifier like me- I don’t know. Everyone feels like they don’t fit in. We all feel different and isolated and terrified. But we all look the same to whoever or whatever is out there waiting for us.

Scene:

We see Buffy walking down a street later in the afternoon/ evening. She’s wearing a jacket over top of her previous outfit and listening to headphones. Music starts to get creepier. Buffy pauses and takes a headphone out. She looks down a dark alley.

Buffy:

Hello?

Buffy starts walking down dark alley, slowly. She looks afraid. She pulls her arms in close and looks around her. Behind her we see a big man silently appear and follow her. She continues to walk, seemingly unaware, down the dark alley. Buffy pauses again.

Buffy:

H-Hello? ...Anyone there?

Now we see a group of creepy looking guys all around her. They appear from the shadows and start to close in, except one who lays back. He is holding someone in a headlock but we don’t see her that closely yet. The creepy men have distorted faces, bumpy foreheads, fangs, yellow eyes.

Buffy does a back spring, kicking one of the vampires in the face. She lands grabs one vampire, throws him up against the wall.

Buffy:

I said, “Anyone there?” What’s the matter? Are you super rude or does the taste for nubile teenager blood got your tongue?

Buffy spins around, slaying vampires gracefully and athletically with a wooden stake. They turn to dust around her. She pins one down.

Vampire:

You’re her! The- the  vampire slayer!

Buffy:

Oh, do I have a reputation? You know you shouldn’t believe gossip. Once Ellie told Abby I slept with Steven and I totally still have my V-card.

Buffy stakes vampire and jumps up agilly. The second to last vampire attacks her. She throws him over her shoulder.

Buffy:

You dummies always fall for the whole “oh I’m a little defenseless blonde girl walking down a dark alley at night.” Please. I’m not that cliche.

Buffy stakes vampire. She turns and we see the final vampire. He’s holding another teenage girl, nerdy, glasses. (Willow.) She looks scared.

Buffy:

Let her go, Four-teeth.

Vampire:

Or what? You’ll jokey-sass me to death?

Buffy:

You know who I am, right? Super powers? Totally trained and chosen to slay soulless vampires? Ring any ringtones?

Vampire:

To kill a vampire you must stake it through the heart with wood. So I think me and my human sheild will be going now.

Vampire starts to back away from Buffy, holding Willow up as a barrier. Buffy looks around at her surroundings. She picks up a rock and throws it at some scaffalding behind the vampire. The scaffalding tips forward and a piece of wood, a 2x4, slides down and plunges the vampire in the back. He turns to dust. Willow falls to her knees coughing.

Buffy:

Willow! What the what are you doing hanging out with a vampire?

Willow cleans her glasses and gets up.

Willow:

Thanks, Buffy. You saved my life.

Buffy:

Yeah, duh. But seriously. You must have known he was undead.

They start to walk home.

Willow:

I-I didn’t. I just assumed he was really flirtatious and sexually assertive.

Buffy balks.

Buffy:

Counting the ways that sentence doesn’t lead to confusion and nausea…

Willow:

I just wanted to be with a boy to see if I liked it.

Buffy:

I can’t think of anything less likeable than boinking a vampire.

Willow:

No, I wanted to see if I liked it with a- Um, have you ever thought about- nevermind. Buffy, I think there’s something wrong with me.

Buffy:

Willow, you can tell me anything.

Willow:

Yeah.

Buffy:

Twilight is fiction, girlfriend. Vampires are real.

Dear Buffy,

I've been watching season two lately. I think it might be one of my favorite seasons. (Okay they're all my favorite for different reasons.) I was particularly heartbroken in "Innocence" Parts 1 and 2 when you unknowlingly assisted in the loss of Angel's soul along with your virginity. Damn, talk about slut shaming and guys changing after you give it up. I had this dude I used to be total bonkers for (picture Harmony for Spike) and he definitely worshipped me (Clem for Harmony) at first, UNTIL I agreed to go out with him and we slept together and then woosh, soul gone, different guy entirely. I'm so sorry anyone has to go through that. At least you had your friends there. Not everyone has that. I'm more like Faith, constantly making mistakes and messing up, but no scoobies to speak of. I need a watcher!

Being a girl is like hard or whatever.
-Babs

Dear Buffy

Hey B,

It's that time of year again! Happy birthday us. Do you celebrate your birthday on the day of your actual birth or your rebirth or your other rebirth? Like you I always seem to have a dissappointing birthday. It always brings to light how alone I am, how insignificant my own birth was, and how few people care enough that I was born to celebrate it. I mean, it's nothing quite so dramatic as getting a box with an arm, losing your virginity, getting trapped in your house, but still, I feel so outcasted, so alone, I feel that I'm such a monster: "I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about." I'm 28! An age you'll never be, an age most slayers don't see. I haven't done anything. I haven't saved the world, or even really anyone at all. I've barely helped, barely made a positive impact. If anything, I've caused more mayhem and destruction than good. Maybe I need to go on a long heartbreaking mission of redemption (though I doubt I could give up sex like Angel.)

Anyway.


"What did you do for your birthday?"

"I got older."

Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey Buff,

I've been struggling lately with social stuff, but I'm trying really hard. When I was younger I always had amazing friends, and I felt strong and confident, like I was destined to help others- like you. Now it's almost my birthday, and I'm turning older like Giles years old. Now I'm more like Dawn, surrounded by a crowd of amazing, strong, super, magickal friends, and I'm the weak link, the damsel who needs saving, the zeppo. It's hard to force myself to leave the house and be social when I don't feel as if I deserve it. I'm stuck in my own shyness like everyone was stuck in your house after Dawn's wish to Halfrek that no one could leave the house.

If the apocalypse happens, beep me.
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

I feel so lonely and stuff lately. Part of that is my own fault. I'm isolating myself, like you did in season seven when you didn't invite your friends in, like they were vampires. I feel like I'm hiding inside myself, like my body is my own dark crypt and I'm hiding from the sunlight because it would fry me. The dark thing about it is, I'm kinda enjoying the isolation. I hope I don't start craving blood anytime.

love you,
B

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

Last night I watched the episode "Consequences" right after "Bad Girls" where you are trying to cover for Faith and help her. You're such a great friend. I feel like I'm kinda a combination of both you and Faith. I'm obviously not like Faith morally (well I hope that's obvious) but the feeling of being lost and excluded and like I don't have any friends. I'm like half lonely insecure slayer, half sweet, spunky, striving to do the right thing at all costs slayer (that one's you.)

love you, B
B

Dear Buffy,

Hey B,

I'm watching helpless right now, and that's so how I feel emotionally tonight. Someone said one mean thing to me, and I just fell apart. Passive aggressive jabs from certain people (dark slayers?) can pierce the heart so much more than from anyone else. I feel like when certain types of people hate me, it can feel like hundreds of people do... it feels like someone waved a certain crystal in front of me and zapped me of all my super powers, and I'm just trying to struggle through life, well, powerless... But you still beat the demon, even without your powers. I hope to one day be as strong as you.

love you,
B

Dear Buffy

Hey dudette! How is everything? My life is going okay, kinda fun, just focusing on comedy/slaying. I've been defeated by several comedy demons/ vampires this month, but I've also won a bunch of battles too. I've won some on my own and I've had some scoobies help me out and both ways it's been really fun. Last night I watched the swim team episode, which I super love! Sometimes I think inside a lot of people is a scary fish monster clawing to come out.

Stay peppy,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

My life is kinda in a whirlwind right now. I don't have any money, like you after your mom passed... Dude I don't know how you survived and supported Dawn on minimum wage fast food salary. I am kinda doing a minimum wage call center job right now and struggling to do work and comedy. It's stressful, like trying to balance slaying with working and then friendship on top of it.

I guess I'm really proud of you for getting it all together and trying to have it all. I really respect you going for it with Spike. I wish I liked myself enough to make super positive life decisions and handle all my slaying and grown up responsibilities. What are taxes?

Give Giles a hug.
love, B

Dear Buffy,

Hey B! Your new comic book that came out this month was SO funny and intense. It was all about love, which kinda... like I'm not in a super great place with love right now. I think it might be all a conspiracy invented by the robo Illuminati to keep us all occupied so they can replace us with drones like in the episode with the scary eggs took over everyone's brains. I feel like what Dawn is going through right now is totally something that happens in a lot of relationships, where for some reason (magically or otherwise) you just kinda outgrow your feelings. And what is going to happen with Spike?!? I like living vicarously through your romances. Great issue. Kinda made me feel a bit lonely.

My soul is showing...
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Lately I feel kinda season sixy... Like this dude is kinda messing with my emotions like the trio did when they tested you. I wish I could explain away some of this anxiety and craziness by blaming it on otherworldy phenomena interefence, but the truth is: I'm a hot mess and I am kinda lonely and weird and I don't relate well to other people. I wish I could be like Spike and be okay with the fact that I don't relate well to others and just be a loner, but the truth is, as much as I am very alone; I desperately wish to be a Buffy or a Willow, someone with scoobies.

love,
Babs