Friday, October 2, 2015

Dear Buffy,

Hey B!

Sorry I haven't written a lot lately. I've kinda been shutting myself off from people, like you did in season 6 and 7... (and well, in all of them.)

I just watched the episode Halloween last night, where you all turn into your costumes. It always puts me in a weird head space because I look up to you SO much (even though you're 16 in this episode..) and I think of you as such a strong person, and to see you so insecure about your looks kinda throws me. But on the other hand it's very real and relateable. I get very insecure about my weight, and it's not even to impress a 200 year old vampire. (I'm alone, haha) I think I get insecure about my weight because of something deeper, not so much aesthetic. Like I'm insecure about how much I exist, and how much I annoy everyone. Similarly, I think you being insecure about your hair and makeup and clothes... maybe you're not insecure that you don't have time to put effort into your looks, maybe you're insecure that you don't have time to take care of yourself as much as you want to.

I should be psychoanalyzing you, I cried while reading a book last night.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll take your "Halloween is come as you aren't" advice, because I wanna wear something kinda cute and funny, and hopefully that's not too far off base from who I am.

Man, foreboding Giles drama...

See you soon,
Love you, B,

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