Dear Buffy,

Hey girl,

I've been feeling really depressed lately, like I should be doing more with my life, I should be farther along in my career, but instead I'm just floating, drinking, smoking, sexing, partying. I'm like you and Faith in "Bad Girls" before the accidental staking. Great, all I need to do is to accidentally murder a bad guy to knock some sense into me and make me turn my life around. Piece of stake. I do feel like I work really hard on my art, like you do with slaying, but maybe I'm having too much fun in Portland, being too much of a free spirited teenager, like when you got invisibility powers for a day: it was really fun and freeing and you felt like you didn't have to be accountable, but you were sorta disappearing in the process. Ugh, why do I have to think my thoughts and feel my feelings so hard? Oh, right, because your new comic hasn't come out yet... but soonsies! Yay, escapism!

Thanks for saving the world a lot.

love, Babs

DEAR BUFFY,

Hey B,

Is this what happiness feels like? I feel super happy with my life with my friends and my love life. I adore my scoobies. Actually, honestly, I'm probably the scoobie and maybe Jen is the you. Except on Saturday I took a quiz and it said if I was a Whedon heroine I would be you because I'm witty and I love my friends more than anything. BUT there's a small chance I might have tried to trick the quiz to get that answer. I wish I thought about my friends more than anything. I wish I was like you, a better friend and sister. I also wish I was like you in the aspect of making something happen with my life. I feel so lost, like I'm not doing anything. I constantly work on my comedy and performance art stuff, and I DO think I'm getting better, but I don't barely notice that my career trajectory is moving forward at all. Life's not a song...

ANYWHOODLES
love you so much, B,
Can't wait to see you again in the comics. I've missed you A LOT.

Babs

Dear Buffy,

HEY B!

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Have you EVER celebrated Valentine's Day? And by celebrated I don't mean partied via slayage of evil demons. I guess that's technically what any party should be ostensibly, the slaying of evil mental demons, dark thoughts, the banishment and exorcism of anxieties, etc. Having a holiday for the sole purpose of celebrating love is weird. Shouldn't all holidays celebrate love? It burns brighter than the fire. Love will lead us to our gift. Except love with Angel because he suuuuuucks. Literally. Ugh.

My life is going okay, as usual struggling with my career or lack thereof. I so want to have a destiny, to be chosen. I want to believe that EVERYONE is chosen, that every woman is special to existence with the potential to help others and save the world a lot.

I dunno. Yeah.
love,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey gurl,

It's totes snowy here in the land of Ports. I feel like I've had a little bit of writer's block the last couple days. I don't know what to do with my brain. It feels like I may be losing my creative powers. I think falling for a dude has made me soft and weak, like you did to Spike. (But in the long run, it made Spike stronger than he had ever been, because from love comes strength.) It feels kinda sad seeing a lot of my friends succeed around me, and not doing so myself. And it's my own fault, I'm not working, not training, not learning. I'm not hunting the vampires, so why would I expect them to just fall on my stake?

Stay warm. Strong is fighting.
love,
Babs

DEAR BUFFY,

Hey B,

I am at work right now but it's weirdly chill at the moment. Usually it's so busy I don't get a lot of time to write to you. I'm a little stressed that I'm 26 and still working in a call center, that I don't really have a direction for my career. You're lucky you have such an obvious destiny, must take a lot of the wondering out, but not the wonders. I just want to be "chosen" for something. I just want to develop magickal witch powers so I can go from being a hapless, clueless, dork to a dynamic vibrant multidimensional wiccan... I'd probably use my powers for only good, I think.

I just had an amazing weekend with all of my friends in San Francisco and now I want to work harder. I feel like when you met Kendra and she was so ambitious and professional and it made you feel insecure.

This dude I was dating for a minute called me inconsiderate of others, and he wasn't wrong. I mean obviously, I love my friends with a love that burns brighter than the fire. I'm full of love. That's why I shy away from it. But despite that, I kinda have held him at arms length, and Riley/ Xander sized arms, not Babs sized arms. I've kinda treated him A LOT like how you treated Riley in season 5. And it's not him AT ALL. He's a sweetie, a total babe, but I just have been hurt so much when I let myself be vulnerable with men, now I treat them like a vampire: no one gets invited in. I don't wanna get hurt so I try to do whatever I want to do and not allow myself to think of a dude's feelings, because if I think about their feelings, I'll just dwell on the fact that they don't feel like they like me. It hurt a fucking lot to be called inconsiderate, but I should work on lowering my guard a little maybe.

Love,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey girl, sorry I haven't written in a while. I guess I'm a bad pen pal. You'd probably treat your pen pals better. I wish I was a better friend to you and to all of my friends, like you are to your scoobies. But I just have so many people that I feel like depend on me that if I spend all that energy trying to make everyone happy, trying not to fail, trying to just stay afloat and not succumb to the demons in my brain, I barely have time to do basic life stuff. Like I'm kinda busy fighting angry demons in my own head and inside the heads of others in preparation for the coming mental apocalypse, (band name?) so sometimes banal chores slip through the butt cracks. Who's gonna take care of me? Maybe I'm too old to want/ need someone to take care of me.

"Strong is fighting."

I'm like really into my boyfriend right now, which hasn't happened in a few years. Too bad he probably will get freaked out and run away to splitsville when he finds out what kind of demon I am.

love, Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey girlfriend, bad time?

I'm feeling a bit sick, but I think I'm getting better. I feel like some of my energy is coming back. We slayers heal fast, I guess. It's weird how you're so strong, but when you experience a moment of weakness, of vulnerability, some people like it. I've had so many guys tell me that I'm cute when I'm nervous, shy, anxious... literally the most vulnerable moments of my life. I feel like Angel is like that. He wanted to take care of you. Spike post soul, ain't like that.

I admire you for your strength and your vulnerability. I admire you for the whole person that you are, the entire alturistic, selfless, loving, strong, compassionate woman that you grew into when you got called into slayherood at age 15.

Will I ever be called by a greater power? Will I ever have a purpose? I want to say everyone will/does. I want to say that everyone has a special magic inside of them and I want to use mine to radiate happiness on others. But maybe I don't have any powers. Maybe I'm nothing special. Maybe I can't help anyone. Maybe I'm just me.

"No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away, and what's left?"
"Me."

LOVE YOU BUFFSTER, Thank you for being an inspiration.
Babs