Tuesday, February 4, 2014


Hey B,

I am at work right now but it's weirdly chill at the moment. Usually it's so busy I don't get a lot of time to write to you. I'm a little stressed that I'm 26 and still working in a call center, that I don't really have a direction for my career. You're lucky you have such an obvious destiny, must take a lot of the wondering out, but not the wonders. I just want to be "chosen" for something. I just want to develop magickal witch powers so I can go from being a hapless, clueless, dork to a dynamic vibrant multidimensional wiccan... I'd probably use my powers for only good, I think.

I just had an amazing weekend with all of my friends in San Francisco and now I want to work harder. I feel like when you met Kendra and she was so ambitious and professional and it made you feel insecure.

This dude I was dating for a minute called me inconsiderate of others, and he wasn't wrong. I mean obviously, I love my friends with a love that burns brighter than the fire. I'm full of love. That's why I shy away from it. But despite that, I kinda have held him at arms length, and Riley/ Xander sized arms, not Babs sized arms. I've kinda treated him A LOT like how you treated Riley in season 5. And it's not him AT ALL. He's a sweetie, a total babe, but I just have been hurt so much when I let myself be vulnerable with men, now I treat them like a vampire: no one gets invited in. I don't wanna get hurt so I try to do whatever I want to do and not allow myself to think of a dude's feelings, because if I think about their feelings, I'll just dwell on the fact that they don't feel like they like me. It hurt a fucking lot to be called inconsiderate, but I should work on lowering my guard a little maybe.


1 comment:

  1. Hey Barbara, big fan, I'm @thejayemcinness on Twitter, just wanted to write out a longer note of appreciation to you. I'm a similarly young working professional/aspiring creative who is underpaid, overstressed, emotionally challenged, and have been diagnosed with aspergers, schizotypal personality disorder, and depression. Those feelings keep me from professionally trying, doing an open mic or submitting writing. Rejection anxiety is strong. I don't interact with people normally, don't understand the tacit rules, and don't fit into standard business.

    That's why your humor and writing reaches out to me. I see my internal monologue in your letters to Buffy and laugh at your delightfully conflicting CEFF stories and grin at almost each tweet. Not trying to be creepy, more of a fan letter and an encouragement to keep being funny. You'll make it! And all of us in the Emerald City will be cheering you on.