Dear Buffy,

Good morning! Yes, I'm up before noon! I'm such a Willow! Actually lately I've been feeling kinda more like Giles felt in Season 4 when Buffy started spending all of her time with Riley and the Initiative and Dr. Rude Walsh. I feel like totes out of touch, like my art is now irrelevant, but it's not like I can go back to England. (They don't even have burritos there.) I work so hard on my jokes and my stage presence and my writings, but I feel like everyone's just like "yaaaawn, we get it, lady, feminism fairies blah blah." I just moved into a new place, which is exactly what you are doing right now in the comics. It is exciting; it feels grown up, or like I'm cosplaying as a grown up.

Blah blah,
love you,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hi B,

I feel like everything is simultaneously falling apart and coming together. Like one minute I'm falling down and practically totaling my bike while losing my debit card, and the next minute my comedy career is doing really well. Sometimes I wonder what we sacrafice for our callings. You put so much of yourself into slaying, and I put so much of me into comedy, that is there any wonder I don't have the energy to clean my room or not be drunk? WHO HAS THE TIME TO NOT BE DRUNK WHEN THERE ARE DEMONS AFOOT? Maybe I just need to be invisible for a day. 

love B,

Dear Buffy,

Hey B,

I know it's been a minute since I wrote. I guess everything has been going fineish, or at least manageable. "I'm handling" as you would say. And it's not like things are getting any less hellmouthy around here in the life of a comedian, I think I'm getting stronger and more capable of dealing with the demons. (Mostly inner demons.) But obviously, even though I'm getting funnier, smarter, more empathetic, kinder... I'm still struggling and I still slip up and fail a lot, especially socially. My social life is like the vampire that hurt you, even though you were better, in season five. "I'm in the best physical shape of my life. I mean, if you're asking how it happened..." And maybe it'll always be that way.

love,

Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey buddy,

How's life going? I'm at a weird stage; I guess I feel like "I'm going through the motions." I'm kinda just treading water as far as my comedy career goes, like you did in season four when you asked Giles to start training you harder and be your watcher again. I do feel like my art itself is getting better and that I'm continuing to grow as a comic in new and exciting ways, but career wise I'm just... stuck. I think part of it is my depression and anxiety; they keep me from furfilling my full potential, like "the curse" keeps Angel from one moment of true happiness aka orgasming inside you. When my depression gets bad it feels like I'm stuck inside my own head, like you were literally when you thought you had lost Dawn to Glory. I wish I had a Willow to pull me out of my head. Bryan used to do that for me. I wish I could be strong enough to help others the way you and Bryan do. I wanna help. I don't wanna be a burden. I wanna be strong.

walk through the fire,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey B,
I seriously feel like I have a chip in my head that is stopping me from "killing." (I killing mean on stage, not like literal vamp on neck kill action.) I have to start training harder. I need a watcher, but I feel like I'm almost too old to be a good slayer. I need to be my own watcher. I don't feel chosen right now. I still feel strong, but you know, outside looking in, like Faith. Well, I keep plugging or whatevs and I'll be 5x5.

love, B

Dear Buffy,

I feel like I've been split in two halves like Xander, one successful, good half and one screw up half, by the demon Toff. Obviously, I feel like the screw up half. I wonder where the half of me that has her shit together is. Probably sexing hot men and writing incredible jokes and makiiiiing it. (What is the "it" that I'm supposed to be making? I need a watcher.) I think I was just recently Parker Abrams-ed (from Season 4). I am getting so good at getting rejected by dudes that I am bouncing back quite bouncily. That may or may not be a good thing. I feel like you when you were searching for the first slayer to ask about love. Is slaying making me "hard," am I losing my warmth and my ability to love? Am I needing to be strong and guarding myself so much that I'm not letting anyone else in? Or does my strength come from my ability to love? Does it burn brighter than the fire?

Miss you, B.

love, B.

Dear Buffy,

I've been feeling a little lost lately. Like, I feel like if I was a slayer but one day I woke up and I wasn't a slayer, and then what would my purpose be? Except, I was never really a slayer to begin with, was I? Well, at least not in the traditional sense. But I certainly don't feel all that extradinary lately. I don't feel special. And, it's not like I expect to feel like I'm "...one girl in all the world, she alone..." level of special. But I wish every one felt "chosen" for something or other. I do believe that about most people, just not myself lately. My friends are so incredible, it's hard not to look at them and see their magicks. Everyone around me is spectacular, a hero, and I guess that makes me the Zeppo. I guess I think that everyone has powers and mine will probably come back eventually, (like yours after your 18th birthday test). Regardless, the best part about my life is the incredible, sweet, talented, brilliant scoobies I am surrounded by.

I love you B,
B