Friday, October 4, 2013

Dear Buffy,

Dear Buffy,

The other day I had a panic attack in front of this guy I liked and he didn't run away, didn't judge me, nothing. I practically dropped to my knees and hyperventilated while shaking and almost crying and he still doesn't hate me. I feel like he saw me transform into a werewolf, or that he saw me get all bumpy forehead vampy, or black haired and veiny or something... Now that I think about it a lot of your friends witness each other at their most monstrous and they still love each other unconditionally. That's really beautiful, empowering, and hopeful. It reminds me of in Season six when you said to Spike, " I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week and guess how much they hate me now? Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking, sleeping with you... They'll deal." Despite crying in public, having panic attacks, going weeks without eating, being a semi-suicidal baby, being an asshole, I still have friends that love, respect, and care about me. And everyone is like that. Everyone has people in their lives that love them deeply despite their monstrosities. I'm a monster and my scoobies still love me.

It's gonna be okay,

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