I know how hard everything's been with giving up the magicks. I'm so sorry for all of the pain you must be going through. I have had similar problems with food adiction, caused by intense anxiety. The nerves make it so easy to slip into an unhealthy vice like magick, especially when the vice gives you the strength to cope with circumstances that seem overwhelming. I think magick is a lot like food, in that you obviously can't give it up 100%, you just have to learn to have a healthy relationship with it.
I have been addicted to food for emotional anxiety reasons since I was about 12. I've burried all of my emotions in it. But lately I've been working on outgrowing that addiction, and obviously I can't just cut food out like alchohol or drugs, so I'm forced to learn to have a positive relation to it. It's been so difficult dealing with anxiety without that as a coping mechanism. I just have to let the anxiety wash over me and accept my feelings and then try to let go of them. I'm trying to accept anxiety, not obsess so much if everyone else is okay or if I'm constantly hurting my loved ones with my actions and words. But it's difficult because I know that I could just make it all go away if I curled up in a dark room with a pizza. And I'm sure the way I feel about pizza or sandwiches is the way you feel about the ability to rip a man's skin from his bones. (Yum, tomatoey!)
We just need to practice inner balance and love and compassion. The world is a beautiful place if we're not constantly crippled with our desperate, obsessive compulsive vices, no matter how cool it looks when you fly.
I admire you for your strength and inner grace that gives you the ability to be more powerful than magick, one of the most powerful forces in the universe. You are an inspiration to me and to women everywhere that deal with compulsions and stuff. Thank you for your wonderfulness and your power and unique, thoughtful perspective.