Dear Buffy,

Hey B,

As per usual, I'm going all wonky about life. All my food is coming to life and staring at me and telling me how I feel. Can food read minds? Did it get an aspect of a demon? And even if food is psychic, how did it get so pushy? I feel like the food problem might be coming back to life, like Willow slaughtered a deer over a gravestone and wiped blood on her t-zone. I'm not like seriously falling off the wagon, more like when Amy gave Willow a birthday present spell and she sorta fell off the wagon, but it didn't count because Amy dosed her, and she didn't work the magicks herself. That's how I feel. I ate a lot the last few days, but I didn't throw up so it's my birthday?

Lotsa questions. Fun.
love, Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey Bb! Happy Halloweeeeeeen!

Halloween is supposed to be the one day of the year (in the Buffyverse) when demons take the night off from inflecting evils. If we're going to carry this metaphor into my life (as I always do) that would mean tonight is the night in which all of my inner demons (anxiety, depression, struggling with comedy, boys, friendships, etc) chill the heck out. Well, we'll see! I think I love Halloween because I love the escapism of dressing up and I love watching scary movies and thinking about ghosts and goblins and anything in the fantasy realm, because it takes me away from my own life. I love ghosts and vampires and witches because when they're around everyone is as scared and anxious as I am EVERY DAY EVER. I have to go to LA next week and audition for this thing,... and I'm second guessing all of my powers and abilities. I feel like I'm battling Glory, and I can't beat her, but I have to keep fighting, or quit.

love, Babs

Dear Buffy,

I met a new hot male character! Not that this show is all about the love interests; it's primarily about me and how I kick ass while striving to grow up in a crazy confusing world. But the male characters are so totes dreamy! Can't a girl fight the apocalypse and go out on a date every once in a while too? Remember when you thought Angel wasn't into your looks because he was used to girls who put a lot of effort in, so you tried really hard to be fancy and then you accidentally got turned into your costume on Halloween? That's kinda how I feel; like I'm sure this dude is used to hot babes and not, well... but then I remember that Angel said he was much more attracted to you because you're so smart and interesting and weird and fun and that's the most important thing. Wow, sorry for bringing up Angel so much. You're better than him. Boys are weird. Vampires are weirder. They kinda suck.

Okay... um...
love you lots,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Good morning! Yes, I'm up before noon! I'm such a Willow! Actually lately I've been feeling kinda more like Giles felt in Season 4 when Buffy started spending all of her time with Riley and the Initiative and Dr. Rude Walsh. I feel like totes out of touch, like my art is now irrelevant, but it's not like I can go back to England. (They don't even have burritos there.) I work so hard on my jokes and my stage presence and my writings, but I feel like everyone's just like "yaaaawn, we get it, lady, feminism fairies blah blah." I just moved into a new place, which is exactly what you are doing right now in the comics. It is exciting; it feels grown up, or like I'm cosplaying as a grown up.

Blah blah,
love you,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hi B,

I feel like everything is simultaneously falling apart and coming together. Like one minute I'm falling down and practically totaling my bike while losing my debit card, and the next minute my comedy career is doing really well. Sometimes I wonder what we sacrafice for our callings. You put so much of yourself into slaying, and I put so much of me into comedy, that is there any wonder I don't have the energy to clean my room or not be drunk? WHO HAS THE TIME TO NOT BE DRUNK WHEN THERE ARE DEMONS AFOOT? Maybe I just need to be invisible for a day. 

love B,

Dear Buffy,

Hey B,

I know it's been a minute since I wrote. I guess everything has been going fineish, or at least manageable. "I'm handling" as you would say. And it's not like things are getting any less hellmouthy around here in the life of a comedian, I think I'm getting stronger and more capable of dealing with the demons. (Mostly inner demons.) But obviously, even though I'm getting funnier, smarter, more empathetic, kinder... I'm still struggling and I still slip up and fail a lot, especially socially. My social life is like the vampire that hurt you, even though you were better, in season five. "I'm in the best physical shape of my life. I mean, if you're asking how it happened..." And maybe it'll always be that way.

love,

Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey buddy,

How's life going? I'm at a weird stage; I guess I feel like "I'm going through the motions." I'm kinda just treading water as far as my comedy career goes, like you did in season four when you asked Giles to start training you harder and be your watcher again. I do feel like my art itself is getting better and that I'm continuing to grow as a comic in new and exciting ways, but career wise I'm just... stuck. I think part of it is my depression and anxiety; they keep me from furfilling my full potential, like "the curse" keeps Angel from one moment of true happiness aka orgasming inside you. When my depression gets bad it feels like I'm stuck inside my own head, like you were literally when you thought you had lost Dawn to Glory. I wish I had a Willow to pull me out of my head. Bryan used to do that for me. I wish I could be strong enough to help others the way you and Bryan do. I wanna help. I don't wanna be a burden. I wanna be strong.

walk through the fire,
Babs