Dear Buffy,

Hey B, it's me, B...

So, I've been reading about this "yesallwomen" and "notallmen" twitter party. I wasn't trying to get involved because the folks who started it were defensive, overcompensating, "nice guys" aka a bunch of whiny Jonathons. However, after the drama hurt some of my friends very badly, it started to get to me.

Anyway, on a completely unrelated note... Hey, Buffy, did you know...

Not all vampires are soulless. Well two have souls, Spike and Angel and they got them through fighting a demon and being cursed by gypsies respectively. Most are soulless.

Not all vampires murder humans. Most do, traditionally. However there's a lot in the Twilight universe and Being Human who choose to be "vegetarian" vampires. And that freaks me out even more that there vampires do have a choice and most of them choose willingly to be blood sucking evil murderers. It's terrifying.

Not all vampires burn in the sunlight. It's not like they'll get a tan or anything.

Not all vampires lack a reflection. How else could you explain how attractive and well groomed and shaven the all are?

And, well, Yes All Slayers are amazing, strong, beautiful, brilliant, loving, passionate women with the potential and the power to help others.

Dear Buffy,

Hey girl, um, um... oh my god am I the Angel of my own life? Do I just exist in each episode to be emo and create tension for the protagonist (who is also me)? I'm always standing outside my own room in the shadows looking forlorn and worried and like a sad puppy. I'm vibing really loudly, "Someone love me!" but I'm vibing that at myself. And then I'm like, "Hey dork, if you want me to love you (myself) then be loveable!"

Last night I watched the episode where you try to make Thanksgiving and get haunted. Spike's really funny in it. And white guilt is always good fun.

I'm trying to get my life in order. I just got a new awesome job. I sorta did some laundry. I cleaned my room and went to the doctor... I still feel lonely and lost. I want to feel like I'm loved and a part of something. I'm working so hard to get my life together, but I still feel like I'm floundering somewhat. I just no matter what still feel like... "I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m- or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done."

Miss you, B. 

love, Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey girl,

I've been feeling really depressed lately, like I should be doing more with my life, I should be farther along in my career, but instead I'm just floating, drinking, smoking, sexing, partying. I'm like you and Faith in "Bad Girls" before the accidental staking. Great, all I need to do is to accidentally murder a bad guy to knock some sense into me and make me turn my life around. Piece of stake. I do feel like I work really hard on my art, like you do with slaying, but maybe I'm having too much fun in Portland, being too much of a free spirited teenager, like when you got invisibility powers for a day: it was really fun and freeing and you felt like you didn't have to be accountable, but you were sorta disappearing in the process. Ugh, why do I have to think my thoughts and feel my feelings so hard? Oh, right, because your new comic hasn't come out yet... but soonsies! Yay, escapism!

Thanks for saving the world a lot.

love, Babs

DEAR BUFFY,

Hey B,

Is this what happiness feels like? I feel super happy with my life with my friends and my love life. I adore my scoobies. Actually, honestly, I'm probably the scoobie and maybe Jen is the you. Except on Saturday I took a quiz and it said if I was a Whedon heroine I would be you because I'm witty and I love my friends more than anything. BUT there's a small chance I might have tried to trick the quiz to get that answer. I wish I thought about my friends more than anything. I wish I was like you, a better friend and sister. I also wish I was like you in the aspect of making something happen with my life. I feel so lost, like I'm not doing anything. I constantly work on my comedy and performance art stuff, and I DO think I'm getting better, but I don't barely notice that my career trajectory is moving forward at all. Life's not a song...

ANYWHOODLES
love you so much, B,
Can't wait to see you again in the comics. I've missed you A LOT.

Babs

Dear Buffy,

HEY B!

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Have you EVER celebrated Valentine's Day? And by celebrated I don't mean partied via slayage of evil demons. I guess that's technically what any party should be ostensibly, the slaying of evil mental demons, dark thoughts, the banishment and exorcism of anxieties, etc. Having a holiday for the sole purpose of celebrating love is weird. Shouldn't all holidays celebrate love? It burns brighter than the fire. Love will lead us to our gift. Except love with Angel because he suuuuuucks. Literally. Ugh.

My life is going okay, as usual struggling with my career or lack thereof. I so want to have a destiny, to be chosen. I want to believe that EVERYONE is chosen, that every woman is special to existence with the potential to help others and save the world a lot.

I dunno. Yeah.
love,
Babs

Dear Buffy,

Hey gurl,

It's totes snowy here in the land of Ports. I feel like I've had a little bit of writer's block the last couple days. I don't know what to do with my brain. It feels like I may be losing my creative powers. I think falling for a dude has made me soft and weak, like you did to Spike. (But in the long run, it made Spike stronger than he had ever been, because from love comes strength.) It feels kinda sad seeing a lot of my friends succeed around me, and not doing so myself. And it's my own fault, I'm not working, not training, not learning. I'm not hunting the vampires, so why would I expect them to just fall on my stake?

Stay warm. Strong is fighting.
love,
Babs

DEAR BUFFY,

Hey B,

I am at work right now but it's weirdly chill at the moment. Usually it's so busy I don't get a lot of time to write to you. I'm a little stressed that I'm 26 and still working in a call center, that I don't really have a direction for my career. You're lucky you have such an obvious destiny, must take a lot of the wondering out, but not the wonders. I just want to be "chosen" for something. I just want to develop magickal witch powers so I can go from being a hapless, clueless, dork to a dynamic vibrant multidimensional wiccan... I'd probably use my powers for only good, I think.

I just had an amazing weekend with all of my friends in San Francisco and now I want to work harder. I feel like when you met Kendra and she was so ambitious and professional and it made you feel insecure.

This dude I was dating for a minute called me inconsiderate of others, and he wasn't wrong. I mean obviously, I love my friends with a love that burns brighter than the fire. I'm full of love. That's why I shy away from it. But despite that, I kinda have held him at arms length, and Riley/ Xander sized arms, not Babs sized arms. I've kinda treated him A LOT like how you treated Riley in season 5. And it's not him AT ALL. He's a sweetie, a total babe, but I just have been hurt so much when I let myself be vulnerable with men, now I treat them like a vampire: no one gets invited in. I don't wanna get hurt so I try to do whatever I want to do and not allow myself to think of a dude's feelings, because if I think about their feelings, I'll just dwell on the fact that they don't feel like they like me. It hurt a fucking lot to be called inconsiderate, but I should work on lowering my guard a little maybe.

Love,
Babs